The Three Dollar Scholar – Chapter List


CHAPTER 1: On Naming Your Child OR There’s No Need for Eight Girls Named Emma in One Kindergarten Class

CHAPTER 2: The “Oh Shit, Not Another Sadie” Rules for Baby Naming

CHAPTER 3: Handling the Proposal (the real thing, not the Sandra Bullock movie)

CHAPTER 4: Advice for Women When Buying a Pet

CHAPTER 4a: Okay, You’re Right: Cats Are a Waste; Help Me Pick a Dog

CHAPTER 5: Advice for Men When Buying a Pet

CHAPTER 6: General Dog-Buying Advice for Men and Women AND Why Most Dog Surgery is Dog Shit

CHAPTER 7: Fourteen Simple Strategies for Naming Your Dog OR It Would Suck to Have a Dog Named LeBron in Cleveland Right Now

CHAPTER 8: On Where to Live OR I Hate Winter and I Want to Move to Southern California or South Florida, but I Can’t Decide Which

CHAPTER 9: Foolproof Ways to Pick the Right College for Your Career AND Five Ways Colleges Waste Your Money Beside the Tuition Toilet

CHAPTER 10: The Easiest Plan Ever for Becoming Less Fat OR I’m Chubby, Lazy, and I Hate Exercise…But I Don’t Want to Have a Heart Attack at Fifty

CHAPTER 11: I Suck at Job Interviews but I Can’t Change My Entire Personality OR Three Things You Can Do to Make an Employer Forget Everyone Else


CHAPTER 12: Are There Any Jacked Comedy Stars? OR The Only Cut Comedian

CHAPTER 13: What’s with Musicians Adding “Fat” to Their Names? OR Rock and Rolls

CHAPTER 14: Does the Best Fast-Food Burger Even Exist? An In-Depth Study OR It’s Time for McDonald’s to Release the Mac Daddy

CHAPTER 15: The Most Credible Boxing Physique by an Actor Playing a Real Fighter: The Final Verdict

CHAPTER 16: Is a Red Bull Tougher than a Rock Star or a Monster? AND Do We Need Energy Drinks?

CHAPTER 17: “Dog People” versus “Cat People” OR Garfield Was Invented As Propaganda by the Cat Lobby and Why Dogs Will Always Be Better

CHAPTER 18: Under What Circumstances is Littering Acceptable?

CHAPTER 19: On Global Globing AND How to Respond to Pushy People Pushing Their Idea of the Ideal Earth Temperature on You

CHAPTER 20: Can We Believe Anything We Read? (No)

CHAPTER 21: Are Journalists Super Sneaky When Writing Articles? (Yes) AND Spotting Journalists’ Tricks in an Agenda-Driven Business