I found this song/poem/ode to Razor Shines in a box of my schoolwork in my parents’ garage before I recently moved. It was an assignment from an English class in 8th grade. My friends, all baseball fanatics, loved it. My teacher was confused. Reading it now, and taking into consideration that I didn’t have the Internet to research Razor in the 8th grade, I’m impressed with my old self for writing this entire iconic masterpiece with only the back of his baseball card to work off of. Yes, I re-typed it. I thought it was worth it. Enjoy:
The Legend of Razor Shines
by: Jon Finkel, 8 Red, 124
Razor Shines, well, he had some game,
But his main claim to fame is his All-Star name,
No other baseball player ever had one finer,
Than the right-handed infielder from North Carolina…
Single A, Double A, Triple A too,
Razor played ball in every city but Kalamazoo,
From Grapefruit Leagues to winter ball in West Palm Beach,
No stadium was too small or out of Razor’s reach,
Razor Shines, Razor Shines, shine on me! With your Expos hat and your Louisville Slugger bat, won’t you shine on me!
His name was sharp, but his game was dull,
He’s a switch hitter who was over six feet tall,
With thick sideburns and a keen eye,
Don’t mock Razor’s one career game winning RBI!
He played in Memphis, Wichita and Jamestown,
When it comes to great sports names, Razor wears the crown,
Born in nineteen fifty six and weighing two ten,
I love his name so much let me say it again:
Razor Shines, Razor Shines, shine on me! With your Expos hat and your Louisville Slugger bat, won’t you shine on me!
Drafted by the Expos, in June of seventy eight,
This man named Razor was destined to be great,
But when he got to the majors, he couldn’t get it done,
His career batting average was only one eighty one!
He had no homers, no triples and one double,
For most athletes that might spell trouble,
But Razor took his five career ribbies and formed a plan,
He’d take his awesome name and travel the baseball land!
Razor Shines, Razor Shines, shine on me! With your Expos hat and your Louisville Slugger bat, won’t you shine on me!
Nobody was crazier than that man named Razor,
He’ll strike out in uniform or a blue blazer,
You gotta be careful or he’ll steal a base,
And slide right by you on his grinning Razor face!
A blur in Expo white is all you’ll see,
And you’ll be left wondering: “Did Razor just steal on me?”
You’ll know he did and we’re not telling lies,
Put on sunglasses, ‘cuz that’s Razor Shining in your eyes!
Razor Shines, Razor Shines, shine on me! With your Expos hat and your Louisville Slugger bat, won’t you shine on me!
Seven years he spent, playing first and third base,
Then he left the league almost without a trace,
Was it an ACL or a rotator cuff he tore?
Or was it his career slugging percentage of one ninety four!
Sadly, the answers to these questions we may never know,
But don’t ever say we didn’t enjoy the show!
The pride of Durham, he’ll always be,
Razor Shines, you’ve been good to me!
Razor Shines, Razor Shines, shine on me! With your Expos hat and your Louisville Slugger bat, won’t you shine on me!
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